Torn Between Your Children and Your Parents

| Friday, March 25, 2011
By Janine Sanderstine


Do you ever feel like you're caught in the middle between your parents and your children, both of whom need your help?

Your first priority in recent years has been your children. You spend your time working a full time job, keeping abreast of your childrens' activities, driving your children and their friends from one place to another.You're right where you wanted to be at this time in your life. Although it is often challenging, it's exactly what you signed up for.

Now, suddenly you find that your parents need your help and are showing signs of their advancing age. Perhaps they are no longer able to drive safely. Or maybe they are no longer able to clean their home or do the yard work. Somehow, you didn't think this would happen. In fact, you may have known in the back of your mind that someday it would come to this, but you hadn't thought it would be anytime soon.You now have many demands on your time and energy, required to make choices to achieve the right balance. But short of being superwoman, how can you possibly do it all?

First, admit to yourself that you can't be everything to everyone at all times. Put the quality time with your own family and parents first. Next is to determine the needs of your children and your parents and checking out what resources may be available to help you. Of course, you could get help in the form of child care for your children while you spend your time caring for Mom and Dad. However, think what you'd be giving up. Children grow up so quickly, and you hate to miss even a minute of the process.

Another choice would be to get help for Mom and Dad, so that you are not the only one who is seeing to their needs. If your parents have extended family, perhaps there are others that can get involved. If you're lucky enough to have siblings in the area, sharing the responsibility could be a big help.If the budget will allow, you could consider hiring professionals to lighten the load. You could hire an aide or companion to check on them, do light housekeeping and cooking, and give them some companionship.

If Mom and Dad require even more assistance, perhaps it's time to consider a more drastic approach. If they're living in a home that requires maintenance, perhaps a move to a condominium or apartment might be helpful as gardening and home maintenance would be provided.

Another alternative, is to consider assisted living, where meals are served in the dining room, housekeeping and laundry services are provided, and there are numerous activities and outings for them to enjoy. At assisted living, they will have the added security of caregivers on staff. Seniors in assisted living facilities have the option of living independently, yet they can request additional services, such as assistance with bathing and dressing if it becomes necessary.

Yes, you are sandwiched between your children and you parents. You shouldn't have to choose, you love them both. Be sure that you make whatever plans are necessary so that you can ensure their well-being while allowing yourself to enjoy the loving moments with both.




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