You may begin to feel angry if it seems that you are the one doing absolutely everything for your elderly parents. If you have brothers or sisters, you begin to resent the fact that all the responsibility falls on your shoulders. You might be the one who lives closest to mom or dad, but does that mean that caring for them is your responsibility alone?
Do you get comments, complaints or critique from your brothers and sisters about the decisions you are making for your parents? Do they complain about the way you are taking care of your parents? You can't help but to feel frustrated that you are subjected to the criticism when they don't seem willing to step in and help.
So how do you deal with it? Should you just grin and bear it? Do you lash out in frustration, possibly damaging your relationship with your brother or sister? Neither is a good solution.
Care giving is a twenty four hour a day job. If the elderly person lives in your home, there seems to be no relief. Most often it is a daughter who finds themselves in the role of primary care giver. It is often something that just happened, without benefit of consultation with all the children. The other children often state that you are the best person to do the job. If you don't work outside the home or work only part time, that is the explanation they might site. Or perhaps you had actually retired from your job in order to enjoy this special time of your life. Having this special time to pursue special interests is something you've worked hard for.
Sisters and brothers may not acknowledge how hard you have worked to get to this point in your life, and they only see that you have no real job. They might find it easy to justify leaving the care of mom and dad to you alone.
Once you become the principal caregiver, you sometimes face addition financial responsibilities as well. Unexpected medical and personal care expenses often crop up unexpectedly. The costs of caring for your parents may not be fully covered by your parents insurance and savings. Don't assume that your siblings are aware that you are spending your own money for your parents care, be clear in letting them know so they can offer to help.
Are there issues on your own situation as well? You have a life of your own, and you need to continue to live your own life. Caring for mom or dad on a full time basis will undoubtedly impact your relationship with your spouse and children. You might not be able to spend the quality time you would like with your own family. And, when you do spend time with them, you may find that you are physically and emotionally drained.
So how can you handle the resentment, and frustration that you feel when you find that your own life has been turned upside down? One way is by keeping your brothers and sisters involved and asking for their help.
An important step in keeping your siblings involved is to update them often on how your parents are doing. It's always good to keep them involved in what you are doing to provide care. Don't overlook the details of your parents care. If they're not informed, they have an easy way out of any responsibility. You need to be firm if you only receive complaints from a sibling and never receive any help. Explain to them that until he or she is willing to share in the responsibilities, you will continue to make decisions as you think best.
Let them know that you welcome help. Give them some suggestions as to how they might be able to help. The help that can give can be almost anything, from meal preparation, to bill paying. Maybe you'd like to have them provide relief care giving so that you can have a break.
Remember to be flexible and show appreciation if they do offer to help. This way, they will feel good about what they've done and will be more likely to help out in the future.
Do you get comments, complaints or critique from your brothers and sisters about the decisions you are making for your parents? Do they complain about the way you are taking care of your parents? You can't help but to feel frustrated that you are subjected to the criticism when they don't seem willing to step in and help.
So how do you deal with it? Should you just grin and bear it? Do you lash out in frustration, possibly damaging your relationship with your brother or sister? Neither is a good solution.
Care giving is a twenty four hour a day job. If the elderly person lives in your home, there seems to be no relief. Most often it is a daughter who finds themselves in the role of primary care giver. It is often something that just happened, without benefit of consultation with all the children. The other children often state that you are the best person to do the job. If you don't work outside the home or work only part time, that is the explanation they might site. Or perhaps you had actually retired from your job in order to enjoy this special time of your life. Having this special time to pursue special interests is something you've worked hard for.
Sisters and brothers may not acknowledge how hard you have worked to get to this point in your life, and they only see that you have no real job. They might find it easy to justify leaving the care of mom and dad to you alone.
Once you become the principal caregiver, you sometimes face addition financial responsibilities as well. Unexpected medical and personal care expenses often crop up unexpectedly. The costs of caring for your parents may not be fully covered by your parents insurance and savings. Don't assume that your siblings are aware that you are spending your own money for your parents care, be clear in letting them know so they can offer to help.
Are there issues on your own situation as well? You have a life of your own, and you need to continue to live your own life. Caring for mom or dad on a full time basis will undoubtedly impact your relationship with your spouse and children. You might not be able to spend the quality time you would like with your own family. And, when you do spend time with them, you may find that you are physically and emotionally drained.
So how can you handle the resentment, and frustration that you feel when you find that your own life has been turned upside down? One way is by keeping your brothers and sisters involved and asking for their help.
An important step in keeping your siblings involved is to update them often on how your parents are doing. It's always good to keep them involved in what you are doing to provide care. Don't overlook the details of your parents care. If they're not informed, they have an easy way out of any responsibility. You need to be firm if you only receive complaints from a sibling and never receive any help. Explain to them that until he or she is willing to share in the responsibilities, you will continue to make decisions as you think best.
Let them know that you welcome help. Give them some suggestions as to how they might be able to help. The help that can give can be almost anything, from meal preparation, to bill paying. Maybe you'd like to have them provide relief care giving so that you can have a break.
Remember to be flexible and show appreciation if they do offer to help. This way, they will feel good about what they've done and will be more likely to help out in the future.
About the Author:
Justine Sanderstine has been helping seniors for over twenty years. She maintains websites with information on assisted living facilities and assisted living facilities in Orange County, California.
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